So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
