My sheets look like a crime scene.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize