she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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