I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
