I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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