I want you more than these girls want KFC
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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