And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pants are for mortals
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
