That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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