Having a random hookup so left but love u
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
