Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
