Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
