Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
