the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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