time to smoke my breakfast
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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