now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
