I can text with my tongue
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
