Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
