My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
