I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
