P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
