thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
