you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
