A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
