just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
