did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
