weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
