I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
