If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
