cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
