I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
