So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize