with your own penis?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
