When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
