Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to be your penis for a week.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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