Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
