I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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