i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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