I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
