Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
