I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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