meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
