for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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