my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
