I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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