I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
