He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
