I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
