Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
