covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
there is puke in my bra ... again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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