Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
