just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
