what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
