i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
