i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
