maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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