I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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