I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
