he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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