before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My breasts were aching with rage.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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