I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize