um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
