i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
