Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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