Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
