he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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